Life is crazy - yet amazing here at the Cottage at the moment.....and nine times out of ten I have my beautiful Macie to thank for reminding me of this.
Some days I feel like I am totally acing the whole "Mum of Two" bizzo....and then to mix it up, I have a shocker of a day and I find myself hugging Macie and silently shedding a few tears of exhaustion into the crease of her neck while she pats my back and tells me "It's OK Mummy". She then grabs my hand and leads me to the couch for "Cuddles" and BAM....Life is back to amazing.
The other day Macie came up to me and asked "Are you alright Mummy? Your eyes are wet" and I sat on the floor and told her I was fine. She pointed to my stomach and asked "Sore Belly Mummy?" and I said "No darling". She then pointed to my boobs and said "Sore Boobies Mummy?" and I laughed and said "No darling - I just get sad when Willy is sad." She then smiled at me and said "It's alright Mummy, Willy is happy now - he will be alright".....and she was right. Everything will be OK and alright....and with the insight from my beautiful two year old....life was back to amazing again.
Will is now three weeks old and we are starting to see the light at the end of the "unsettled and unhappy" phase. Wind has been haunting his tiny little belly the past few weeks and we seem to be finally getting on top of that. He loves to scream without warning and I find myself chanting "Please don't be reflux, Please don't be reflux" over and over in my mind until he falls asleep peacefully and sleeps for hours on end and my fears settle. I find myself asking Macie "Were you like this?"....and she looks at me with a blank expression and says "Yep Mummy". Then I laugh and life is back to amazing again.
I have accepted the fact that no matter what I do, I am not made to breastfeed my children. Macie was a bottle baby from 5 days and all during my pregnancy with Will, it was the only thing I wanted to do....but after three weeks of the constant worry about supply, medication, expressing, lots of tears and an unsettled baby - I decided stop. Don't shoot me because I know all too well the benefits of breastfeeding and have beat myself up about it over the past few weeks. I am just so lucky to have a very supportive husband and family to understand how hard it was to make my decision and then support me...because they know as well as I do that "Life IS all OK"
....and Life IS amazing.
Don't apologise for "going" formula - you have a beautiful healthy baby boy and that's all that matters. Life with two is so different than having your first and you just have to do what ever works for little family. Just be kind to yourself and take it in small steps. I went mad trying to prove I could still do it all. One day I realised how tired I was and pressed the pause button. Evie is about to turn one and it feels like yesterday that I was where you are right now. It seriously flies by this time so spend less time worrying and more time smelling that beautiful "newbornness" which I miss oh so much!! Life is so amazing isn't it - lovely post!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comment. I agree - there is so much more to life with a newborn than stressing about supply and all the rest of it! Can't believe Evie is going to be one. Boy has that flown! X
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